Yesterday I eventually passed the treshold of the minimum amount on Polak Potrafi, which means 5000 PLN will already be mine for sure. That means that I’m going on this journey. It has just happened! Yay!

But at the same time I also started having some doubts, becasue the other savings are shrinking and there is less of them than I thought I was going to have. And I’m thinking quite a lot about maybe finding some winter job on the way in Austria for one month or two to get the budget a little up in order to have a bit more money and a bit more peace of mind. I have also decided to apply to the Ministry of Culture for a creative scholarship for the next year, although I don’t believe I have big chances to win, but I wanna try at least.

Those last two weeks – and this is how long it took me to collect the minumum sum of money, have showed me a lot. It was a really hard work – hours spent in front of the computer, hundreds of e-mails sent, countless conversations. But they brought also a lot of beautiful moments. First of all it was quite amazing having 80 people that decided to donate for my project in two weeks. 80 people! Secondly – my invitations to join the project brought a lot of good stories that people have shared with me and renewed many lost-in-the-past contacts.

The longer I’m in Poland, the bigger pressure I feel that I should be doing something. That yes, it’s cool, awesome what I’m doing or planning to do, but at the same time everyone goes to work every day, earns money and I sit back home the whole day in front of the computer most of the time. And it makes me feel quite uncomfortable. That’s interesting, isn’t it?

Another thing is that I also started to feel that I actually wanna go back to work. I supposed that it was going to happen one day and I was quite surprised it took that long! But suddenly here it is, I got there again. So what I fell is kind of need of a bit of stabilization, regaining my own place and recreating the space around me. Becasue five months out of work and out of stabilization and out of your friends circle is quite a while, isn’t it?

At the same time I really really really wanna make this project happen.

What should I do now?

Rio (Ryjewo), 30 August 2015

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