fear

Morning

So much of thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking! So much that it doesn’t allow me to leave home!

Resolution no 1: I will keep writing every day, for at least one hour. I will keep writing to train my writing habit and the need of writing. I want to develop my writing plan and stick to it – it should help. And it will surely help with writing my bike book.

To take into consideration: returns are very difficult and I’m really scared of the upcoming one. I always keep my mask of a winner on, doesn’t matter how I feel. I don’t know if that’s a good mask. But it is a mask that makes me feel comfortable and safe. How is it going to be this time?

I think that one of the main lessons of Jordan for me was Janin. Janin who once told me – travelling is a choice one makes. You leave your world being ready (or not?) for all the difficulties and troubles that will happen on the way. Ready for the lack of safety. Ready for the fact that time doesn’t stop at the place you leave, the moment you leave. And once you’ll decide to be back, there will be not the same world waiting for you anymore. You will be returning to a different reality. Because the world you used to live in, has moved on, the same way you are moving on. So both of you keep moving, just into different directions.

And all your friends also keep moving on. And at certain point you they stop needing you and you stop being a part of their life. Loneliness while travelling and once being back is what you need to be ready face. And you need to learn dealing with it. You need to learn how to find yourself in this new world and a new configuration. To learn how to make new friendships and new identities of yourself. And still keep being yourself within all those changed.

You really need to know who you are in terms of not getting crazy.

No bike updates, sorry, I can’t focus on that at the moment.

Amman, Jordan, 14 July 2015

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